Femininity | Shake Rattle and Roll!

“Get out in that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans

Get out in that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans

Well roll my breakfast 'cause I'm a hungry man

I said shake rattle and roll…  I said shake rattle and roll

I said shake rattle and roll…  I said shake rattle and roll

Well you'll never do nothin' To save your doggone soul”

Yes, those are the lyrics to the classic dance tune from the 50s made popular by Bill Haley & His Comets. Who knew that “Shake, rattle, and roll” was referencing pots and pans? And cooking?!?

Cooking and Kitchens are touchy subjects with me - especially right now, as a new wife. I didn’t grow up cooking or in the kitchen, except to do my occasional chores of washing or drying the dishes. Other than that, I had no real desire to cook or bake or create with food. My mother never pushed me to, which I am thankful for, and my life went on just like anyone else’s. During college, I ate from the cafeteria (or binged on dry hot chocolate mix). After college, I lived alone for nearly 10 years, and I survived perfectly fine. I rarely cooked. I ate fruit, cereal, nuts, oatmeal, Chinese takeout, and sometimes I cooked up a chicken breast. But, making food was never an interest of mine. I love food, don’t get me wrong (I’ll write more about that later). But making said food is just not in my skill set.

Enter Levi Wiggins. As soon as we started dating, I discovered that he was an excellent cook. Not only did he love to spend hours in the kitchen creating food and beverages, but it was unbelievably delicious when he was finished. I couldn’t have been happier with this; he loved to make meals, and he loved that my interests were elsewhere. Throughout our dating relationship, he cooked and I enjoyed every. single. bite.

Then we married. Suddenly everything changed, which is not what I wanted to happen when I got married at all! Levi’s job went full-time and my job ended. We were immediately put into a situation that I was not prepared for. He was working all day from home, and I was hanging around the house all day… also from home. It didn’t even occur to me that I might need to make some food for us—which reveals my naivete and selfishness. After about a week of living in our little upstairs apartment, Levi had to gently say, “You think you might want to make something to eat today?” I was shocked. And in my own little world, I felt like he was shouting the words of that demeaning song “Shake Rattle and Roll” to me. I was hurt. And no, I didn’t want to make something to eat! I’ve never done it before, I’m not good at it, he always did it, that was the deal, why would I do it now?!

I didn’t articulate those feelings at the time, but I went into the kitchen and began to ‘Rattle those pots and pans.’ I made things from scratch - things I’ve never made before, things I never want to make again. It was a rough week —for everybody. I was in the kitchen all day—from figuring out how to make 3 meals to cleaning all the dishes in between. I was angry and hurt. And Levi added salt to everything. I felt subjugated in a way I couldn’t fully express. I knew it made sense for me to cook - I didn’t have a full-time job, we needed food, but something was hurting me.

I talked with L. I told him exactly how I felt, and he listened. He understood. Even though he needs me to do some things in the kitchen, he knows it’s not my thing. And he agrees that it doesn’t have to be just because I am female. We have since found some alternatives. He usually makes dinner, and tries to make extra so we can have left-overs or some variation of it for lunch the next day. Also, cereal. Cereal for breakfast has saved my mental health. And I do dishes 3 days a week instead of every minute of every day, or putting them off for the week.

I’m just not wired that way, and it’s ok. There’s nothing innately feminine about cooking and serving food. How do bachelors survive? What about women who are physically unable? And why are most chefs men? (I’m down with it!)

In our house, we are learning and trying to live out roles that may not look like everyone elses’, but they work for us. I can and should cook sometimes because it is a service to my husband whom I love. He can and should cook sometimes because he loves to and it’s a service to me. One way is not better than the other - one just tastes better.