Fidelity | The Things They Never Should Have Said

I have my own list, you have yours.

That horrible thing someone said to you that you will never forget. You may have been a child and someone said you needed to shave your legs because they were hairy and you hadn’t even realized that was a thing yet. You may have been in high school and someone told you your nose was big, and you had no idea until it was pointed out to you. But then you knew. Or it may have been last week when someone made an offhand or ignorant comment about your size—or a comment about “thin, beautiful” people, which indirectly implied something about your size...and attractiveness.

Regardless of when it was, we all have them. And some of them haunt us more than others. I have a whole slew of them - you know of my most recent “thunder thigh” incident. Talking about it makes it easier - mostly - but it doesn’t change the fact that I am more aware of my thighs now than I have ever been in my life. It also doesn’t change the fact that my thighs have nothing to do with who I am, so to have my external appearance pointed out to me in such a negative, identifying way just makes me feel conflicted and confused. Because when I’m not looking in a mirror, I feel like I’m just me. Quirky, insecure, funny, moody, intellectual, empathetic, cynical me. But when me becomes my abdomen that’s not flat, or my legs that touch in the middle, or my breasts that aren’t perky and small, or my incessantly dry and patchy skin, or my unbrushed hair, or my unique body shape, then I am not me anymore, I am my imperfect and aging body. And I don’t believe this is who I am. I don’t believe your body is who you are.

So, let’s take a lesson from our own tormentors. Think about the words that are coming out of your mouth - even the flippant and playful words. One little statement from you could change the way he sees himself for the rest of his life. It could cause her to have a complex over that “one little thing” you always pick on her about — in good fun. It might just add one more thing to their list of things they’ve been told they should hate about themselves. And that is probably not your intention - unless you're evil, or 12.

So how about this? How about we not comment on people’s bodies, people’s skin color, people’s imperfections, people’s “flaws”. Because that’s what they become to them: flaws. How about let’s promote love and care with the words we speak to our friends and to strangers, to our family and to our enemies, to people we envy and to people we loathe.

How about let’s not be their 6th grade story, their high school bully, their co-worker that one time, or their 12-year-old on Belmont Blvd….

Remember: You are not your hairy legs, you are not your big nose, and you are not your thunder thighs.

Those are the things they never should have said.